Why I Learnt to Read the Tarot

A lot of my friends think I’m a little bit crazy, and a handful of very close friends know it for a fact. Most of them are aware of my obsession with learning new skills and becoming ridiculously fascinated by subjects for short periods of time, so when I told them I was learning the tarot, they shrugged it off as another one of Sarah’s weird learning things. But some of them didn’t really understand my reasoning behind the tarot, because… I’m scientifically minded… right? Why would I learn how to do something that has no basis in science?

The Power of our Beliefs

I don’t believe in magic, or psychics or God or ghosts or anything remotely paranormal or spooky or other-worldly. However, I do believe very strongly in the power peoples beliefs have over their reality. In fact, that’s a huge fascination of mine, a fascination that led me to learn Hypnotherapy, NLP and other “alternative” therapies such as EFT, Reiki and so on. I love to learn why people believe these things work, and I love to learn how those beliefs influence their results.

Our beliefs are fascinating things. When we believe something so absolutely, we completely ignore other evidence to suggest that our belief is faulty and even misinterpret evidence, so we see the evidence as proof in our belief. Two people who see a sunset, one of them marvels at the beauty of Gods work, another points and says “There cannot be a God, nothing can create such a beautiful sight”. They’re using the same evidence but taking different meanings from it based on their beliefs.

So what’s this got to do with why I learnt to read the tarot?

The Power of Projection

Not only are our beliefs fascinating things, but our minds are, too.  I’m sure all of you have heard about how it only takes us a moment or two to make a first impression about someone. Truthfully, it’s impossible to make a true judgement about a person within a second of meeting them, since we haven’t got any information about this person other than their appearance at that time. Yet, we make massive judgements about them at an unconscious level within seconds. We take that information from what they’re wearing, how they stand, how they gesture, how they talk and the way they say what they say. We associate those things to people we’ve met in the past; people who acted similarly; and attributes that we like and dislike about ourselves. We project all those things back onto that individual, and we’re completely unaware that we’re doing it.

And that is the great thing about learning tarot. When I pull three cards from the deck, three cards that have been pulled completely at random, I tell a story about that person based on what the cards say. A story I couldn’t possibly know at a conscious level is brought up, from somewhere within my unconscious mind. And, because the story I am telling myself about this person is a massive generalisation and because it could quite easily be told as a metaphor, the person I am doing a reading for can get a massive benefit from it. It can feel completely true, much in the same way as a horoscope can seem to relate to our lives despite them being attributed to the lives of thousands of other people reading the same one.

And being able to tap into my unconscious projection and tell these unconscious stories about the people around me with a simple deck of cards, it’s not just immensely beneficial for my own well being, it’s also a lot of fun.

The Confusion of Others

There’s another reason why I learnt how to read the tarot, but this one is a lot more selfish and almost cruel of me. When I’ve told people I’ve learnt the tarot, I get a lot of mixed reactions. Some people think I’m evil. Some people think I’m getting mixed up in the occult. And some people are horrified that I, an apparently scientifically minded young lady, would dabble in something clearly meant for psychics and other meddlesome things.

And considering that there’s nothing remotely unusual about a tarot deck, I don’t understand it. The fear or discomfort regarding the tarot that I’ve seen seems almost contradictory. They are cards with pictures of them, nothing more. To fear them or to somehow shun them as a thing reserved for the occult almost gives them the power people are so quick to disregard them for. And if you’re afraid of something, or unwilling to understand it based on a strong disbelief and closed mind, how will you ever understand how it works, or why people hold it in such esteem?

And on that note… Who wants a reading?

I don’t want a relationship

I don’t want a relationship, but I really like cuddling up next to someone, feeling intimate, feeling loved.
Waking up in someone’s arms and feeling their heartbeat.
Feeling their contentedness beside me.
Knowing they feel safe enough to fall asleep next to me.

I don’t want a relationship but I want to take someone’s heart and hold them,
Caress them,
Make love to them,
Fuck them and tell them how perfect they are.
Show them how amazing I think they are, run my hands over and explore every bit.

I don’t want a relationship but I want to fall in love as friends,
To delight in each other’s company,
To run and dance and laugh,
To feel the intimacy of two people connecting with each other,
To pull close and see the wonder of you.
To see myself reflected in your eyes and know I’ve found a kindred soul.
To smile and see you smile back.
To flirt, and fondle and kiss.

I don’t want a relationship but I’m lonely for company,
For connection,
For that magical feeling you get when you make a new friend.
That moment when someone does something so completely human that it knocks down your boundaries and suddenly you see each other for the first time in a new light.
To fall down and catch each other, because you see how beautiful the fall was, perhaps you don’t see it as a fall at all.

I don’t want a relationship but I want you to let me into your world,
To bring me into your soul,
To open the door to you and look inside the incredibleness that is you,
the beauty of you,
The wonder of you.
Walking into wonderland and feeling completely at home.
To feel like I belong here.
At home in your mind.

I don’t want a relationship but I’m falling for you anyway,
Because falling is beautiful and who says it has to only happen between lovers,
What judge threw down that rule and banned friends from desiring each other,
Excluded platonic love from the “real love” list?
I’ll fall for you because it’s a beautiful thing to do,
A natural progression,
A way of expressing “you’re amazing and I see how amazing you are”.

I don’t want a relationship but I want to love you in your perfection.

I don’t want a relationship but I want you to know how beautiful you are to me.

I don’t want a relationship but I have the biggest crush on you, your stupid smile, your goofy laugh,
The way you try so hard to look so cool but I can see how nervous you are inside,
The way you look at me,
The way I miss you…

I don’t want a relationship.

I really don’t want a relationship…

I don’t…

But I’d like to be loved.
To be held.
To be called beautiful.
Could you do that for me?

Please?

Small Victories

I love you in the way you breathe.
Slowly in.
Slowly out.

I love you in the way the corners of your lips tilt upwards when you look at me.
I wonder,
What are you thinking of?

I love you in the way we loose ourselves in laughter.
Forgetting where we are.
The world around us disappeared.

I love you in the way the world comes crashing down on you.
Shoulders sagging.
Wanting to run.

I love you in the way you hold yourself in, away from me.
Push me away.
Don’t come near.

I love you in the way you cry yourself to sleep.
I hold you close,
And cry beside you.

I love you in the way you open yourself again.
To let me in.
Those small victories.

Lazy Bunny Returns to England and Proceeds to KICK BUTT

This is a reminder to myself. That I kicked butt last month.
I got over 90% on the exam at the end of the course, I became an internationally qualified trainer of NLP AND of Hypnotherapy. I made friends with people from all over the world, some of whom inspired me more than anyone I’ve ever met or even heard about. Of course I’m going to miss that environment. Of course I’m going to feel a little sad at being back home, where my biggest challenge is getting out of bed in the morning.

But I got so used to setting my bar at a low level. My trainers raised the bar and I struggled but you know what – I SMASHED it. I proved to myself and anyone who doubted me that I am an amazing person that can do anything I put my mind to.

My challenge now is to work
on my business to be able to afford to travel wherever the hell I want. To take my business on the road and work from anywhere. I only need 4 clients + 1 new client a week MINIMUM, that’s 6 hours of coaching work, which means the rest of time is selling myself. Constantly selling myself. And you know what, selling myself means having to put myself into new and challenging situations, it means I HAVE to keep pushing my boundaries, and I love to do that. I love the challenge. I get miserable when I’m not challenged.

If I can survive the hell I went through over the last 6 years, if I can take myself to America, if I can push myself to pass the hardest course I’ve ever done, if I can do al that in the space of LESS THAN A DAMN YEAR because it’s been less than a year since I left the arsehole, what can I do with the rest of my life? I’m 28 years old and I have more resources than half the millionaires in the world.

Time to kick some butt and help some people. Who wants in?