There are times when I miss being in a relationship. I miss the security of knowing someone out there cares about me, loves me, misses me. I miss daily cuddles, being held, the feeling of another persons lips on mine.
But most of the time I adore being single. It gives me the opportunity to love myself. I don’t need a relationship to be happy, because I’m happy right now. And the next relationship I get into, I want it to be because it genuinely feels better to be with that person than it does to be single. In the past, I’ve gotten into relationships to fill a hole, to have the other person be somehow responsible for my own happiness, but that’s not healthy. I’m a whole, independent, strong woman and I’m looking for a whole, independent, strong partner and until I find them I’ll live my life and do things I enjoy and reach my goals. And when I find them, I’ll continue living my life and doing things I enjoy and reaching my goals but then I will do it with company.
33 Things Sarah Wants in a Partner
So, in the style of Alanis Morissette, here are a bunch of qualities I want in a future partner (Because, as the singer so excellently puts it, I figure I can decide since I have a choice in the matter):
- Physically and emotionally healthy,
- Enjoys challenging themselves
- Wants adventure
- Logically minded but open to seriously considering abstract and holistic concepts from a “what if it were true” point of view
- Is playful
- Is able to take care of themselves
- Likes dogs
- Enjoys serious discussion about science, politics, philosophy, history, movies, the arts, etc
- Equally enjoys silly discussion about random topics that have no basis in reality, but taking them seriously, just for fun
- Has a healthy relationship with themselves, their family and their friends
- Understands the difference between realism, pessimism and optimism and chooses to have a realistic mindset with a hint of optimism
- Enjoys travel
- Open to trying things they wouldn’t necessarily choose for themselves, not for my benefit but because they value the importance of new experiences
- Respectful of the beliefs of others even if they disagree with them completely
- Is financially capable of going away for a weekend and still able to survive at no cost to their regular lifestyle
- Can empathise with others without getting sucked into their problems
- Enjoys physical affection a lot
- Respects boundaries and takes “no” for an answer
- Enjoys receiving gifts and affection
- Enjoys giving gifts and affection
- Honest and open about their needs and desires
- Enjoys making plans for the future, enjoys seeing those plans come to fruition
- Sexually adventurous, open and confident
- Isn’t 100% certain about wanting children, could go either way depending on the partner. Certainly isn’t planning on having kids now.
- Has explored, and accepts, the darker aspects of their personality, understanding that everyone has a darker side to themselves and these sides need love and respect
- Would enjoy spending the whole day in bed just as much as an adventure filled day of exploration
- The idea of a perfect day starts with adventure, getting lost in a new experience (or literally getting lost in a new place), and ends in snuggling up in bed and falling asleep in each others arms.
- Sees love as a very open experience, understands the difference between falling in love and being in a relationship
- Understands and appreciates the concept of relationship anarchy, even if we are in a monogamous relationship
- Understands that love and relationships do not equal ownership or obligation
- Sees their needs, my needs and the relationship needs as three different things, understands that being together is about fulfilling all three of those things
- Appreciates that this list is a fun and enlightening exercise, not a guideline of how they should behave.
Again, as Alanis says: These are not necessarily needs, but qualities that I prefer. Some are more important than others. It’s kind of like a “relationship bucket list”, since I’m a fan of making bucket lists.
Also this is a lot longer than I anticipated it would be. Lists are FUN.